The Tale of Two Thighs
I had a man, a complete stranger, ask me the circumference of my thighs. While I believe he meant this to be complimentary, it is not. It is, however, laden with latent misogyny. My aim is to educate, not shame, so let's break this down.
I will define misogyny as per Kate Manne in her book, Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny:
"Misogyny is social systems or environments where women face hostility and/or hatred because they're women in a man's world — a historical patriarchy."
We've traditionally understood misogyny as a feeling that men carry and not something that women experience. To say that our feelings don't inform our actions and experiences is egregiously incorrect. Misogyny is absolutely something women experience. Misogyny is the experience of aggression or ostracization towards women who violate patriarchal expectations, who aren't serving male interests in the ways they're expected.
His question reflects an entitlement unique to men and of a mentality that upholds sexist beliefs. For this man, his expectation of my place in his world is literally and figuratively, for his consumption. My worth is determined by what I can offer him, how I can please him, by appearance or act or dress-code.
The fact that this man felt entitled to an opinion on my body, nevermind the audacity to ask such intimate and sexual questions, reflects a lack of respect for my autonomy over my body. I am not a prized show pony. My thighs, or any part of my body, are not open to being quantified by misogynistic male metrics. Bizarre and laughable this may be, this is the reality women have to contend with. This is not an acceptable way to talk, treat, & most significantly THINK regarding women. Why? It's paramount to harassment & perpetuates a historical prejudice that a women's physical appearance is her most valuable asset.
The most insidious type of misogyny is the type that presents itself in 'seemingly' innocuous ways; inconsequential jokes, comments, subtle gestures & unconscious thought patterns. Over time, these micro-aggressions become reinforced by the fact that they can exist unchallenged. Unchallenged, they integrate seamlessly into your ethics system. And this - is how misogyny is born, quietly and gradually. Most misogyny is incepted & proliferated unconsciously. However, we are all complicit in contributing to its growth trajectory. Whether we are aware or not, we all have a responsibility to identify and take accountability for preserving a system of oppressive paradigms.
I can hear the critical laughing & name-calling. “She’s so sensitive…” Am I? Or are you inconceivably indoctrinated? The cavalier dismissal of his question's inappropriateness is a form of misogyny; enforcement of sexist ideology followed by invalidating my experience by stereotyping it as 'emotional' or 'irrational' like a woman...
The enforcement of sexist ideals by any means, verbal, emotional, or psychological, is the definition of misogyny.
Sexism & misogyny work hand-in-hand to preserve the established patriarchy; a system that benefits a minority. Let's work together to identify and re-define our roles within the context of each other's worlds. Let's advocate for a system of equality & inclusivity.
I want to live in a world where being a woman is not synonymous with disrespect, disregard, and discrimination. This is what it means to be a feminist; to be acknowledged as human.
