An Expose on Expectations: Of Sages & Sorcery
Review of Lora DiCarlo’s “Filare”
I've been loyal to the Lora DiCarlo brand since their inception, and while they are still in their nascent stages (but booming! hello #sextech), I had (very) high expectations for Filare. I attribute these lofty expectations to the brand's impressive track record of technological innovations. They have yet to disappoint me.
The following is a tale rather than a review; a tale of tragedy & triumph. Of alchemy and princesses wailing in shadowed towers. A parable of growth and exploration yielding pearls of patience & wisdom.
This tale begins like every fairy tale faithful to the canon;
Photographer: Natalia Y
Once upon the nightmare of a familial Christmas eve (covid-safe, don't you judge me), crocheted red & green doilies held festive porcelain high on countertops. Tryptophan levels were high; cortisol levels even higher. Amidst the clanging of inherited silverware, dark, forlorn magic shrouded overhead. Aunt's and grandmother's transformed into Banshees and Pontianak's. The endless bounty of burgundy suddenly ran dry. Catching a glimpse of my reflection in the curio cabinet, there was but a carved-out carcass of a human staring back at me! What sorcery had transpired here tonight?!
Returning home in my carriage (designated-driver, cmon, I'm responsible), a box had mysteriously appeared at the threshold of my doorstep. UPS - the harbinger of messengers had sent an antidote! The alchemist - Filare! Chemical to chemical. I would use endorphins to defeat the deviant cortisol that plagued me!
Glowing bluish hues of power, Filare illuminated my way into the gloom of the bedroom. I entered my domestic coliseum, Filare in hand, like Excalibur, ready to dual. And dual I did...
I'll spare you the details of said dual and fast-forward to the ending. Crony cortisol darkened my doorstep that night. Not the end you were expecting? Didn't know you were reading a Grimm's fairy tale, huh? You would be in good company.
I played with Filare, then I sulked. Yes, sulked, like a #brat. Let me clear any ambiguity - Filare worked. It just wasn't the experience I anticipated. What was I expecting this toy to accomplish? Pay my bills, cognitive behavior therapy, fix the stock market, cure coronavirus?
I expected it to be Osé, the other silent heroine of this tale. This brings me to discuss the real villain - expectation.
Most can relate to having an expectation that something or someone will offer respite in times of stress or tribulation. When those expectations aren't met, it's devastating, or at the very least disappointing. Expectation is the death of happiness - this adage is as good as any alchemist's gold.
Amidst my volatile drunken stupor, my heart was broken, and my pussy, well, was not. I felt betrayed; my belief system in question; the thought of a product from Lora DiCarlo’s line that I could not endorse felt akin to de-throning my matriarchal monarchy. It sounds dramatic, but for those who know me know I'm pretty EXTRA; this is not hyperbole.
The next morning, the princess, I woke up, sober(ish), and recited my Shakespearean soliloquy. "Remember with Osé, it took you a few trials to understand how the technology worked with your body. Don't discredit Filare without the same diligence. Explore without an end-goal and just have fun." Not my most eloquent soliloquy, but I digress.
Pleasure necessitates discovery.
To discover, we must first disconnect from expectation and be present to whatever the experience offers. I rendered Filare's purpose as a remedy to my affliction. When we relegate experiences to end-goals, we remove the magic and majesty that accompanies pleasure.
After my morning coffee, I brandished Filare yet again, and spelunking we went.
Parables:
There's a reason Lora DiCarlo offers sexual wellness coaching and introductory sessions - because sometimes you need them.
Comparing Osé & Filare's is like comparing apples to oranges. They are neither fruits nor alike in engineering.
Patience is not my virtue.
I owe Lora DiCarlo my sincerest apologies for doubting their product design and engineering integrity because what had happened was... USER ERROR & impetuousness. Yup... I had not been using Filare properly. And when I say properly, I mean it was something embarrassingly simple; I hadn't been applying enough pressure to feel the mechanisms work. I had become so accustomed spoiled by Osé's hands-free design, that I was too hands-off with Filare.
A common theme that unites and elevates all Lora DiCarlo toys is that they aren't merely products; they are innovations. Take your average sex toy purchased from an adult store between $19.99 - $59.99. They are affordable because these companies repackage and recycle the same archaic technological components then market them as 'new' in sleek, colorful sheathes and shapes, but essential, they are the same. Lora DiCarlo toys are byproducts of sex tech. The company is creating new technology aided by scientific research and statistical data that are anatomical congruent with a woman's biology, not repackaging old technology at discounted rates. That being said, since this is uncharted territory, the technology might not resonate immediately like we're used to the 'old' toys doing.
This is why the company offers sexual wellness coaching and introductory sessions regardless of whether you purchased a toy or not. These sessions can help you navigate which toy best suits your needs rather than the Russian Roulette of eeny, meeny, miny, moe and being disappointed if it's the wrong purchase. These sessions help you understand how best to use the toy with your anatomy. This might sound excessive or unnecessary, but don't let pride stand in your pursuit of pleasure.
When I first purchased Osé, I forfeited my coaching session for just that reason. Well, after 3 days of frustration and 'blue vulva,' I caved and spoke with a sage specialist—game changer. Not to discredit your abilities, you might be able to understand without guidance, but why gamble with your time and efforts? Take the session; these specialists sages hold the secrets to the toy's technology! And it's complimentary!
FILARE’S MECHANISMS
Filare is a clitoral stimulator. Designed with two silicone balls that rotate simultaneously in circular motions to mimic human touch. The ball-points protrude as they spin, creating a sensation of thumping or thudding over your clitoris. It feels like fingers teasing and stroking my clitoris. The balls protrude at two heights to help you customize the amount of pressure you feel. You can change the direction the ball's spin - clockwise, counterclockwise, or a combination of both. You can control the intensity of your experience with the 10 different speed settings.
I had to finesse precisely where I placed Filare on my clitoris to elicit the sensations that made my toes curl. Sometimes direct contact isn't always the most conducive to maximum pleasure. I have PTSD flashbacks to partners playing the disc jockey number on my clit. Not only does that hurt, but it insults the intricacy of a woman's anatomy. The clitoris has over 8,000 nerve endings (over DOUBLE the nerve endings in a penis), yet our experience has been demeaned to that of abrasively scrubbing a dirty dish or a vinyl disc. That being said - not everyone will respond to the same stimuli. Your clitoris is a unique road map to your sexual expression. Everyone's nerve sensitivity and preferences vary. It's essential to understand your baseline and expectations. What are you hoping this toy will accomplish? And equally important to know what you don't want or need in a toy.
Once I understood how to use Filare, at long last, alchemy was achieved! Cortisol retreated to its cavernous crypt. Filare gave me a fantastic experience and release, even if it wasn't the experience I had initially expected. Expectation is the silent villain in the room. Expectation management isn't as simple as it sounds.
My experience with Filare solidified that suction & high-frequency vibration toys are my preference. I like to keep my hands free and my mind occupied. Hence why Osé is still my weapon choice. However, in the pursuit of my pleasure, I quickly dismissed the experience of Filare as inadequate because I held it to a standard it could not compete with. The experiences are inherently different by design. Osé is a dual stimulator, while Filare is a clitoral stimulator. The type of clitoral stimulation both toys produce is wildly distinct. The clitoral mechanisms on Osé are internal and create a sucking sensation. Filare's mechanisms are external and stroke or thud against your clitoris upon applying pressure (operative phrase - apply pressure).
A pitfall of preferential treatment is that I closed myself off to other types of experiences, confining my play to a small, quaint sphere. Playtime is more provocative for both body and mind when devoid of limiting expectations. To further my case for expectation management - Osé requires more maintenance and commitment for the full payoff. Sometimes I'm lazy. I said what I said. I don't always want to invest the time (and lube) it takes to orchestrate the dual experience that Osé provides. In those moments, Filare is my toy of choice. Different experience - similar outcome.
As these tales tend to resolve, even the grimmest of them all offer parables. In alluding to this being a Grimm-type fairy tale, I mean to say that I am not here to peddle happily ever after's but emphasize a pragmatic lesson. The experience offered an introspection into my own expectations. I had not known that I held my pleasure hostage to an archetypical experience. These toys' technology transcends conventional notions of play and orgasm; they offer self-awareness, intimacy, and practical knowledge. Knowledge is the alchemist's sagely secret; with that, anything can be turned to gold.
Xoxo,
Shibari Barbie
